ACT ONE

FADE IN:

INT. MOTEL ROOM - DAY.

Xena is lying in the bed, covers pulled up around her head as Gabrielle watches ‘Fins, Fems, and Gems’. One slender blonde brow is arched as she watches the resuscitation scene.

GABRIELLE

That is not the way it happened.

Xena slowly raises her head and looks at the screen. Her own brow goes up as she watches the scene unfold.

XENA

I’m thinking they didn’t get much right.

Somebody musta messed up the translation.

Why do you insist on watching this?

GABRIELLE

It’s fascinating.

XENA

It’s ridiculous. And you know it makes

me crazy. If we had half a real brain

between us, we’d look up this

Rob guy and give him the real scoop.

GABRIELLE

And say what? ‘Hi, we’re 21st century

clones of the ancient warriors that you

did the TV show about. Alti brought us

back in an attempt to resurrect Evil Xena.’

XENA

That would get us locked up wouldn’t it?

GABRIELLE

In a heartbeat.

XENA

Or he’d make a movie.

(beat)

You know we should go

out and try to find some

kind of gainful employment.

GABRIELLE

I thought you were in a bad mood.

XENA

I am, but the fact remains

we need money.

GABRIELLE

True. Let’s go. I’m sure

we’ll find something.

CUT TO:

INT. DINER - DAY

They are sitting in a booth drinking coffee. It’s clear that they haven’t had much luck in the job-hunting department. Xena is slowly stirring a spoon through her cup and Gabrielle is staring out the window. Tapping her fingernail on side of her own cup, Xena reaches across the table and stills her partner’s hand.

XENA

Relax. We’ll be fine.

GABRIELLE

I know. It’s just frustrating.

XENA

You don’t have to say that twice.

Xena fishes in her pocket and produces a few silver coins. She takes a deep breath and leaves the booth. Gabrielle watches as her partner picks up a newspaper, pays for it and returns to the booth, placing it in front of her.

GABRIELLE

Xena we can’t....

XENA

Please, don’t tell me we can’t afford it.

Fifty cents isn’t going to make or

break us, and you enjoy reading it.

Gabrielle smiles and winks at Xena.

GABRIELLE

Thanks.

XENA

It’s the least I can do.

She sips her coffee and looks into the cup and back up to Gabrielle who is now absorbed in the paper. Xena looks out the window at the traffic passing by.

GABRIELLE

Xena?

XENA

Yeah?

GABRIELLE

Look at this.

She passes the paper to Xena and points to an article. Xena takes the paper and pulls it to her. She reads it carefully, one eyebrow raising and then the other.

GABRIELLE

What do you think?

XENA

I think we need to

find this guy.

GABRIELLE

Do you think there’s

any truth to it?

XENA

Oh I hope so. This could be

the answer to all our

problems. Let’s go.

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY - DAY

They stand before an office door marked DR. OTTO LEONARD. Xena raises her hand and just as she is about to knock, the door pulls open. Dr. Leonard stands there, blocked by them and apparently in a hurry.

OTTO

Excuse me…

I’m late for a class.

XENA

Dr. Leonard....

He moves past them and begins walking down the hall at a quick clip.

OTTO

If you want to chat, you’ll

have to walk with me.

They quickly catch up and give each other the look as they find out that walking with him means nearly jogging along beside him.

XENA

Doctor, my friend and I read in

the Times that you are about to

begin an expedition to Greece to

look for Xena’s lost treasure.

We think we can help you.

This brings him to a stop and he turns to look at them for the first time. He smiles and then shakes his head.

OTTO

Look, I appreciate that you’re

fans of the show and everything,

but this is a scientific expedition and....

XENA

(impatiently)

We are not fans of the show.

GABRIELLE

We came here to offer you help.

We might be able to help you find

it. We know the area very well.

OTTO

And how is that possible? I have a

general idea of where to look, but not

a specific idea. I still haven’t managed

to translate the scrolls that I have.

XENA

What if we could help

you translate them?

OTTO

You read ancient Greek?

XENA

Read, write... speak.

He looks at them for a long moment, apparently appraising them.

OTTO

Come to my office at five. I’ll give

you one chance to prove yourself.

If you can indeed translate the

scrolls then we’ll discuss what

else you might be able to do to help.

GABRIELLE

Thank you. You won’t be sorry.

OTTO

I hope not. What are your names?

They look back and forth to each other, and then Xena looks at him.

XENA

Lucy and Ethel.

CUT TO:

INT. MOTEL - DAY

Xena is sitting at the desk near the window doing a sketch that resembles a crude map. Gabrielle is flipping through a journal obviously looking for something.

GABRIELLE

I can’t find it, Xena. I know I wrote

it down. I’ve been very careful about

writing down everything we’ve remembered.

XENA

Maybe that’s for the best, Gabrielle.

Now that I know I wasn’t losing my

mind and there really is a treasure,

we don’t want too much information

to be out there. It’s probably best

that it’s locked up in my head.

GABRIELLE

But do you remember enough?

XENA

No, it’s sketchy. I’m hoping that the

information the good doctor has

will fill in some of the blanks.

Gabrielle sighs and sits in the armchair next to the desk.

GABRIELLE

Xena?

Xena looks at her map, bites her bottom lip as she adds another line and then looks to Gabrielle.

XENA

We’re keeping the

money Gabrielle.

GABRIELLE

But....

Xena turns around in her chair and rests her hand on Gabrielle’s knee.

XENA

The original Xena put that money

there for an emergency. This

qualifies as an emergency.

GABRIELLE

But if Dr. Leonard has been looking

for it, his reputation is at stake.

XENA

I don’t intend to let his reputation suffer, Gabrielle;

we’ll make sure he finds enough to make the trip

worth it. We just won’t let him have most of it. If

I remember right, being the clever girl I was there

are several small antechambers that have significant

gold and treasure in them... more than enough to

make the old doc’s reputation world round. Then

once he’s on his way back to the States, we open

up the main chamber and live the rest of

our lives in luxury and comfort.

GABRIELLE

You do realize that all the money in the

world is not going to make up for the

fact that we have no papers or identification.

XENA

Oh yes it will. Look around you, Gabrielle.

It’s money that runs this world now and those

who have it control it. If you have money,

no one questions you or asks any questions.

GABRIELLE

Xena, how much money is in this cave?

XENA

If her memory serves... millions.

Gold and gems Gabrielle. Raw and

just waiting to be sold for cold, hard cash.

GABRIELLE

Something about this doesn’t feel

right. I don’t remember this at all.

XENA

Xena hid this treasure away

long before she met Gabrielle.

GABRIELLE

Would you please stop talking

like that? It gives me the creeps.

And what I mean is I don’t remember

you ever mentioning this to me.

XENA

Xena was....

She stops, closes her eyes against the mistake she just made. Then she smiles and looks into Gabrielle’s eyes.

XENA

(cont’d)

I put that money there in a time when it was

an insurance policy. If I decided to go back

to my warlord ways, then I would have it.

But when I met you, I knew there was no

way I was ever going back to that life. And

I didn’t want anything to do with that money.

Now it’s a whole new tournament in the

coliseum.  We did all right living hand to

mouth then, but we can’t do it now. This

world is far more complicated than

ours. We can’t rescue small villages

and take chickens in payment.

GABRIELLE

I know. I know everything you’re

saying is true. Somehow it

just seems dishonest.

XENA

It’s not, Gabrielle.  That money is ours and

if it’s still there it will make our lives much

easier. Trust me, the people I took that

money from are long dead and have no

need of it now, but we do. We need it if

we’re going to survive here without turning

into criminals to survive. I am not above petty

theft if it means we get to eat or you’re going

to be warm on a cold night. And if I start

there, where am I bound to end up? I have a

programmed predisposition for extreme violence.

Xena takes Gabrielle’s hands into her own and brings them to her lips. Reverently, with her eyes closed she gently places her lips to the back of Gabrielle’s hand and just holds them there. Then she speaks softly, never releasing her.

XENA

(cont’d)

I love you. I want to be with you, but think

about the last life we lived together....

GABRIELLE

(chuckling)

That we remember.

XENA

Right. Remember how hard that life was?

Sleeping on the ground, washing under an

ice-cold waterfall. Having to catch your own

dinner. Being hunted by every lunatic, despot

and god you could think of. Come on Gabrielle.

Why should we have to live like that this

time? Didn’t we pay our dues the last time?

Gabrielle smiles at the tender gesture, realizing that Xena is making a really good argument. She leans forward so their foreheads are touching.

GABRIELLE

Well, I gotta tell ya, Ethel.

You make good sense.

CUT TO:

INT. OFFICE - AFTERNOON

Xena and Gabrielle are waiting in Dr. Leonard’s office. They are seated in matching wing back chairs facing Otto’s massive desk, which is piled high with folders, books and several rolled maps.

XENA

Looks like it’s true.

GABRIELLE

What?

XENA

The old stereotype that all brilliant

scientists are grubby little moles that

live in dens of paper and dusty fossils.

Her hand gestures to a bookcase loaded with small items obviously taken from digs around the world. Gabrielle stands when her eye catches something on a bookcase. She carefully picks up the old scroll and slowly pulls the tie. As she unrolls it she starts back to her seat, reading to Xena as she does.

GABRIELLE

Xena, this is one of my scrolls.

XENA

You’re kidding?

She gets up and joins her, peering over her shoulder to look at the scroll.

XENA

(cont’d)

Which one?

GABRIELLE

Oh boy.  Let’s just say I hope this is

the one he’s having trouble translating.

If it is, we need to make something

up when he asks us about it.

XENA

Why?

GABRIELLE

Do you want people to know....

She stops and points to the scroll, moving her finger down the page as Xena’s eyes slowly scan it, taking in every word. Xena takes the scroll from Gabrielle, rolls it up and tucks it away in the backpack they brought with them, and then she tries to arrange the pile to make it less obvious that one is missing.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

I wonder how many of

the scrolls survived.

XENA

Apparently quite a few of them did.

GABRIELLE

That worries me a little.

XENA

Why?

GABRIELLE

Because some of those stories were

not meant for public consumption.

The door opens and a frazzled Dr. Leonard enters. He glances at them as if he has forgotten the appointment, then he smiles, and snaps his fingers, obviously remembering them.

OTTO

Ah! Lucy and Ethel.

He takes a seat behind his desk and laces his fingers together.

OTTO

(cont’d)

All right ladies, let’s cut the crap.

I’ve been in this business long enough

to know a scam when I see one. What

is your game and who are you really?

They look at each other. Gabrielle shrugs. Xena takes a deep breath and looks directly at him.

XENA

I assure you Doctor, there’s no

scam. Our offer to help is genuine.

OTTO

And what do you get out of it?

GABRIELLE

Passage back to Greece

with your expedition.

OTTO

Who the hell are you?

XENA

You wouldn’t believe us.

OTTO

Try me.

GABRIELLE

We’re direct descendants

of Xena and Gabrielle.

OTTO

(skeptically)

Right.

XENA

I told you you wouldn’t

believe us, but it’s true.

GABRIELLE

And we have the information you

need to get where you need

to go. We know the region.

OTTO

All right, let’s suppose for just one

second I’m buying into this cock

and bull story.  Why not go back

to Greece and get it yourself?

XENA

We can’t. Let’s just say that due to

circumstances beyond our control

we don’t have the proper

documentation required to do so.

OTTO

And you’re going to show me something here

today that’s going to keep me from calling security

and having you tossed out of here on your butts.

Something so wonderful that I would be willing

to entertain the idea of forging documents

to take you half way around the world.

Xena and Gabrielle exchange significant glances, Gabrielle nods and Xena produces the map that she had been working on earlier in the day. She unfolds it and hands it to him.

He take a cursory looks at the rough map and then tosses it to his desk.

OTTO

You are going to have to do better

than that. That proves nothing other than

you have a good knowledge of geography.

Xena stands across the desk from him and plants her finger in the center of the map, without ever looking at it.

XENA

Is that on any of your maps?

He leans over the map and takes another look, moving Xena’s finger as he does.

OTTO

You think this is where

the treasure is?

XENA

I know that’s where the money is and

I can prove it. You mentioned scrolls.

I know the only scrolls that contain that

information where written by a scribe

that Xena had in her army. The location

of the treasure was dictated by Xena and

written in code. That’s why you can’t

decipher it. You can read everything in

the scroll except the location of the treasure.

Shall I recite the first few lines?

OTTO

Please do.

XENA

It is the third month of winter.  Rain and

snow have slowed our progress into the

mountains. I realize that in order to speed

our progress, some of our spoils from

our latest campaign need to be hidden....

She stops and looks to him. Dr. Leonard is sitting slack jawed in his chair, staring at her.

OTTO

There is no way you could

know that. Unless....

GABRIELLE

Unless what we’re telling

you is the truth.

XENA

And if you want to find Xena’s lost

treasure, we’re your best bet,

because only I can translate the code.

OTTO

And all you want is passage to Greece?

XENA

That’s all. We want to go home.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO