| Episode Guide | Teaser | Act 1 | Act 2 | Act 3 | Act 4 |
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ACT ONE
FADE IN:
EXT. SEAPORT - MORNING
While Xena arranges stabling for Argo, Gabrielle walks along the rows of merchant shops facing the harbor. Though they’ve arrived at their seaport destination, the question of where they will go for their vacation is still up in the air. Various places have been tossed about but each has been rejected for various reasons.
Gabrielle stops outside of a shop that announces itself as “FALAFEL’S TRAVEL AND CHARIOT RENTAL AGENCY”. And, below that, in smaller letters, “We Try. Really!”
GABRIELLE Nah... it couldn’t be.
Giving a small shrug, she enters through the beaded curtains.
CUT TO:
INT. FALAFEL’S SHOP - MORNING
The shop is empty when Gabrielle enters, and she takes her time examining the interior. The walls are covered with lurid stick figure drawings of sailing ships and what she takes to be passengers waving from the railings. Each drawing bears a loud caption scrawled in bold ink strokes.
GABRIELLE (reading) ‘Visit the land of the Norse Gods on the Grecian Cruise Line’s newest unsinkable ship, the Titan!’ (beat) Been there, done that.
She strolls on.
GABRIELLE (Cont’d, reading) ‘Last Chance to Visit the Unique Continent of Atlantis! The Perfect Trip for Those Who Want to Get Away from It All. Permanently!’ (beat) Ahhh…no.
A rattle of beads and the shop’s proprietor steps through, smiling at her. Gabrielle’s eyes widen.
GABRIELLE (cont’d) Are you….?
FALAFEL No.
GABRIELLE But you don’t know what I was going to ask you.
FALAFEL Yes I do, and the answer is no.
GABRIELLE But you look just like….
FALAFEL Poor casting.
GABRIELLE What?
FALAFEL Never mind. Now, how can I help you this morning? Interested in seeing the world?
GABRIELLE Just looking to get away for awhile, I guess.
FALAFEL (beaming) Well, I can offer you an excellent deal on our Atlantis package.
GABRIELLE Not that far away.
Falafel frowns. Then his face clears.
FALAFEL The Pride of Japa sails in a little over an hour, if you’re interested in that.
GABRIELLE No… My traveling companion lost something there the last time we visited.
FALAFEL Oh? What?
GABRIELLE Her head.
FALAFEL Ah. How about beautiful Rome? The villas, the coliseum, the...
GABRIELLE Someone else lost his head there.
FALAFEL Oh. North Africa?
GABRIELLE Gurkhan.
FALAFEL Another beheading?
GABRIELLE Afraid so.
FALAFEL Hmm. How about Indus? Did you lose anything there?
GABRIELLE My hair.
FALAFEL You, dear lady, are making this very difficult. However, I’m not about to allow a good sale…I mean a valued customer… get away from me so easily. (beat, thinking) How about the Norselands?
GABRIELLE No.
FALAFEL Another loss?
GABRIELLE Xena’s memory.
FALAFEL You’re making this up, dear lady. You must be!
GABRIELLE Not a word.
Falafel looks at her for a long moment and believes.
FALAFEL Well, and I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but with luck like that, one would think you’d be looking for ways to stay home.
Gabrielle gives him another look. He blanches.
FALAFEL
(cont’d)
He looks down at the brochure in his hand and smiles again.
FALAFEL (cont’d) How about Pompeii?
GABRIELLE Another beheading. Xena’s doing. Though it was for a good cause.
FALAFEL Not the General, my dear lady. The island!
As he notices Gabrielle’s sudden interest, his greasy grin broadens.
FALAFEL (cont’d, dramatically) Oh, fair Pompeii, the land of beauty and legend, an artist’s paradise! Rolling green hills, the beautiful Mount Vesuvius....
GABRIELLE Excuse me. Did you say ‘artist’s paradise’?
FALAFEL Indeed I did, dear woman. Indeed I did! Why, Pompeii is known around the world as a haven for artists and artistic types of all stripes! It’s a veritable wonderland of plays, performances, concerts, festivals....
GABRIELLE Sold!
FALAFEL Sold?
GABRIELLE Sold.
FALAFEL But I didn’t even tell you the pri....
GABRIELLE Sold.
FALAFEL Will that be cash or barter?
CUT TO:
EXT. SHORES OF POMPEII - DAY
The ship is no more than docked when Gabrielle rushes down the gangplank and all but kisses the ground. She spins in a circle, taking in the sights, arms flung wide.
GABRIELLE By the gods, Xena, did you ever see anything so beautiful?
Xena, carrying the lion’s share of their combined baggage, steps off the gangplank and drops the bags to the ground.
XENA It’s not bad.
GABRIELLE Not bad?! Look at it! The hills, the temples, the villas, the architecture! It’s so… so… so….
XENA Beautiful?
GABRIELLE I couldn’t have said it better myself!
XENA Well, I’m sure it’ll be just as beautiful once we actually get inside, so….
GABRIELLE You’re right, of course. What are we waiting for? Let’s go!
Entranced, Gabrielle heads off at a quick clip, leaving Xena to roll her eyes and heft the baggage back over her shoulders. She sighs and begins walking.
CUT TO:
EXT. CITY OF POMPEII - DAY
A wide-eyed Gabrielle strolls down the Via dell’Abondanza. Unfortunately, she is walking against the flow of traffic, and nearly gets flattened by a group of boisterous, toga-clad citizens. Only a quick grab from Xena saves her from an up close and personal view of the cobblestone streets.
GABRIELLE Hey!
XENA You need to watch where you’re going.
Finally, Gabrielle takes a look around, and sees the setup of the streets.
GABRIELLE Oh. Whoops.
XENA Whoops is right. How about you helping me carry some of this gear? I’m beginning to feel like a pack mule.
Gabrielle laughs, a little embarrassed and takes some of the bags, lightening Xena’s load somewhat.
GABRIELLE Better?
XENA Much. Did this ‘travel agent’ of yours happen to set us up with a place to stay?
GABRIELLE Well…no. But Xena, look around! All the cute little cafes, the shops. It’s a vacationer’s paradise! I’m sure we’ll find a place without a problem.
Xena looks unconvinced.
GABRIELLE (cont’d) Trust me.
XENA Famous last words.
GABRIELLE Ha. Ha.
Turning away, Gabrielle once again becomes completely engrossed in the wonder that is Pompeii. Not so engrossed, however, as to miss the sudden gathering of citizens very close to them, nor to miss the pointed looks and whispered words, many of which sound remarkably like “Warrior” and “Princess”. With a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, she comes to a stop before an immense TOGA-CLAD MAN blocking the road.
TOGA MAN (to Xena)
Are you the
Xena stares back at him evenly.
XENA I am.
To Gabrielle’s immense surprise, the man breaks out into a beaming smile and opens his slab-like arms.
TOGA MAN Welcome to Pompeii, Warrior Princess!
He turns to an equally immense man standing to his right.
TOGA MAN See, Stentonious? I told you it was her! I’m never wrong about these sorts of things. (to Xena) We’re all great fans of yours here, Xena. The way you showed up those bastards Julius and Caligula. It was… magic. Pure magic.
Xena rolls her eyes.
XENA I… appreciate the welcome, but if you’ll excuse us, we need to find a place to stay.
Rather than giving way, the man bows deeply in her direction.
TOGA MAN I, Marcus Antonius, am at your service, great Warrior. I would be humbled and greatly honored if you would stay with me at my grand villa for the duration of your visit here.
XENA Thank you, but....
STENTONIOUS Great villa? Hah! I’ve seen beggar’s huts larger than your ‘villa’, Marcus Antonius! (to Xena) I, however, have the grandest villa in all of Pompeii and it would be my most fervent joy if you could consent to stay with me during your visit, Xena.
GABRIELLE (sotto voce) Should I get out my shovel? It’s getting pretty deep around here.
MAN Grandest villa in all of Pompeii? That tumbled down old wreck?? I saw the inspectors out the other morning threatening to condemn the place!
MARCUS ANTONIOUS You’re one to speak, Africanus! What would you offer her? A room in your brothel? I’m sure she’d love the sounds of your two bit whores servicing toothless old Senators all night!
The crowd laughs.
Roaring, Africanus rounds on Marcus Antonious just as Stentonious clobbers him one across the jaw, setting off a brawl that the Pompeian’s join in with gleeful abandon.
Arms crossed and a smirk on her face, Xena watches the growing brawl while simultaneously fielding and rejecting a myriad of increasingly outlandish offers for housing.
Gabrielle, meanwhile, has turned her attention back to the many shops and cafes lining the road. A middle aged, beautifully dressed WOMAN catches her eye from one of the nearby establishments and beckons her forward with a smile and a wave.
WOMAN Welcome to Pompeii, Gabrielle. Forgive me for assuming. You are the Bard Gabrielle, correct?
GABRIELLE I’m Gabrielle, yes.
The woman smiles in relief.
WOMAN I thought so. The descriptions I’ve heard of you were quite compelling.
GABRIELLE (surprised) You’ve… heard descriptions? Of me?
WOMAN But of course! In many circles you are just as well-known as your companion after all.
GABRIELLE (smugly) I am, huh?
WOMAN Oh, indeed.
Gesturing toward the door to her establishment, the woman inclines her head.
WOMAN (cont’d) Won’t you come in and rest your legs?
Gabrielle demurs, glancing over at the growing brawl. Xena is safely out of the way, still watching with avid, smirking, interest. To one side, money appears to be changing hands.
WOMAN (cont’d) Xena will know where you’ve come.
GABRIELLE How do you know?
With a grin, the woman points to the sign she’s standing beside.
GABRIELLE (cont’d) The Bard Rock Café. I like it already!
WOMAN Then I bid you welcome, Gabrielle. I am Marcellas Flavias, and this is my establishment. Please, come inside.
CUT TO:
INT. BARD ROCK CAFÉ - DAY
Entering the café, Gabrielle stops and stares in wonderment. The walls are filled to the brim with colorful, exquisite paintings of famous literary figures Gabrielle could only dream about knowing. Beneath each picture is a small snatch of a scroll upon which snatches of oratory are scrawled, and beneath that, the signature of each artist.
Gabrielle’s shock is conveyed in her whisper.
GABRIELLE By the gods! Catullus! Ennius, the founder of Roman literature! Horace! Ovid! Plautus! Sulpicia! Sappho! This is… incredible!
Beaming, Marcellas Flavias glides over, an exquisite long-stemmed goblet in her hand.
MARCELLAS FLAVIAS Here. Please sample the fruits of Pompeii as you look around.
Gabrielle looks doubtfully into the mug. Wine has never been her favorite drink.
MARCELLAS FLAVIAS (cont’d) Please. No one should leave our shores without having tasted our greatest treasure. One sip. I won’t be offended if you take no more than that.
Still looking doubtful, Gabrielle takes the goblet from the woman’s hand and brings it tentatively to her lips. One sip and a smile blooms over her face.
GABRIELLE This is fantastic!
MARCELLAS FLAVIAS I’m pleased you find it so. Please, continue your tour. I’ll be happy to answer any questions you might have.
Sipping her wine, Gabrielle resumes her walk around the good sized café, her eyes avidly running over the famous lines of text written in each author’s very own hand. Her whisper becomes reverent.
GABRIELLE The Elysian Fields for Bards.
Marcellas Flavias laughs gently.
Gabrielle walks to the wall nearest the bar and stops. Her eyes narrow, then widen as they look over lines of text that are… quite… familiar.
GABRIELLE (cont’d, reading) I sing a song of Xena Warrior Princess, friend, lover, soulmate Champion of the greater good Set to wander the earth in atonement for her past misdeeds….
Her voice trails off as she looks up and sees a very lifelike rendering of herself done in exquisite reds and golds. Her expression one of abject shock, she slowly turns to the proprietress.
GABRIELLE (cont’d) That’s me!
Marcellas Flavias walks to her, quill in hand.
MARCELLAS FLAVIAS Indeed it is. And I would be most honored if you would sign your work?
Almost as if she’s watching the action from a distance, Gabrielle reaches out, grasps the quill and slowly signs her name beneath the last line of her poem.
GABRIELLE I can’t believe this is happening.
Just then, a shadow falls across the room, and Gabrielle turns to see Xena filling the doorway, a smile on her face.
GABRIELLE (cont’d) Xena! Come, look!
Striding across the room, Xena snags the half filled goblet from Gabrielle’s hand and drains the rest of it in one gulp.
XENA (drawling) Niiiice.
Then she looks at what Gabrielle is staring at and her grin broadens.
XENA (cont’d) Very nice!
Marcellas Flavias approaches again, two filled goblets in her hands.
MARCELLAS FLAVIAS Welcome Xena. If you’re not already tired of the testosterone-fueled boasting outside, I’d be honored if you would consider staying here during your visit. I have a charming little cottage in the back, away from the crowds and noises we’re famous for.
Xena and Gabrielle exchange a look. Gabrielle’s shining eyes seal the deal, and Xena nods her acceptance to the hostess.
MARCELLAS FLAVIAS (cont’d) Wonderful! I’ll show you to the cottage now so you can put down your luggage and relax awhile. If Gabrielle is willing, many of our artisans, writers and actors will be gathering here tonight to exchange stories and gossip. You’re both more than welcome to join in the fun.
XENA Sounds like a plan.
A beaming Marcellas Flavias leads them out the rear entrance and toward the small stone cottage not far away.
FADE OUT. |
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END OF ACT ONE |
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