ACT TWO

FADE IN:

INT. SMALL ROOM – MORNING

Autolycus is seated at a small table enjoying a breakfast fit for The King of Thieves.  He’s not paying attention to the noises around him and barely flinches at a loud crash just outside the door.

He does look up when the door is thrown open. For a moment he is speechless then a broad smile lights his features as he stands up.

AUTOLYCUS

Xena! Gabrielle!

They are standing in the doorway, neither of them looking particularly happy. Autolycus is on his way around the table to hug them until he gets a look at them.

AUTOLYCUS

(cont’d)

Good to see you?

GABRIELLE

Autolycus, what’s going on here?

XENA

And why are you a part of it?

AUTOLYCUS

One at a time.

He gestures to the table.

AUTOLYCUS

(cont’d)

Hungry?

XENA

Not particularly.

GABRIELLE

Please, just tell us....

AUTOLYCUS

Okay. It’s simple really. This fellow

Kadmus, he got wind of the fact

there were people out there in the

world who were fans of yours.  He

decided that holding the symposiums

were a great way for them to get together.

XENA

While he makes a small fortune

charging them for the right.

AUTOLYCUS

I’m sure that’s what it

seems like on the surface....

GABRIELLE

You mean it isn’t?

He hesitates for a moment then smiles.

AUTOLYCUS

Okay it is like that, but really

Gabrielle, it’s not like he forces

these people to come here.

They come of their own free will.

XENA

And that’s supposed to

make this all right?

AUTOLYCUS

I get the feeling that no

matter what I say; I’m

not going to win here.

XENA

I’m glad your leg healed

so nicely. It’ll make a better

noise when I break it.

AUTOLYCUS

Now Xena....

XENA

Don’t you ‘Now Xena’ me, you....

GABRIELLE

Autolycus, why are

you doing this?

AUTOLYCUS

Because they pay well?

XENA

That was totally the

wrong thing to say.

AUTOLYCUS

How could I turn it down?  I got

a message a few weeks ago.

Kadmus offered me a small fortune

to come speak at this thing.

GABRIELLE

Define small fortune.

AUTOLYCUS

Five thousand dinars.

GABRIELLE

Yup, that’s a small fortune.

XENA

Autolycus, Gabrielle and I

aren’t wild about someone

using us to make money.

AUTOLYCUS

I’m getting a sense of that.

GABRIELLE

Xena, before we do something

rash I think we need to understand

this thing from both sides.

XENA

And you suggest?

Gabrielle takes Xena’s arm and pulls her off to the side for a private conference.

FADE TO:

INT. MERCHANT’S ROOM – MORNING

Xena is now alone and walking through a room with tables arranged all around it.  As she looks at the tables she sees they are piled high with scrolls and pictures and replicas of her sword and chakram and Gabrielle’s sais.

XENA

Oh, this just gets

better and better.

Approaching the table she picks up one of the chakrams. It’s much lighter than the real one, but the detail is pretty good.

Xena motions to the woman behind table.

XENA

(cont’d)

How much?

WOMAN

Hundred and fifty.

XENA

Right.

She places it back on the table and continues to walk around the room.  In a corner she sees several young people sitting at a table playing something that looks like a card game. As she approaches, she listens to their conversation.

BOY 1

I have a Joxer I’ll

trade for a Caesar.

GIRL 1

Yeah, right. Keep dreaming.

BOY 2

How about an Aphrodite

for an Ares?

GIRL 1

Sure. Dite is

more fun anyhow.

XENA

Isn’t that the truth?

They stop what they’re doing and look up at her.

GIRL 1

Excellent costume!

XENA

Thanks, it’s just something

I threw on. What are you

guys doing here?

BOY 1

We’re trading to

complete our decks.

XENA

Gotcha.  You enjoy this game?

BOY 2

It’s great!  After you trade and

make the best deck you can,

then you can play and Xena and

Gabrielle can beat the bad guys.

XENA

Who’s the best card?

GIRL 1

Why, Xena of course. She

beats just about anything.

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY - DAY

Gabrielle and Autolycus are moving down a hallway, crowded with people who apparently work for Kadmus.

AUTOLYCUS

He should be around

here somewhere.

Autolycus spots his quarry and leads Gabrielle over.

AUTOLYCUS

(cont’d)

Kadmus?

A middle-aged man turns to him.  The first thing Gabrielle notices is that he appears to be in a perpetually bad mood.

KADMUS

Autolycus, what can

I do for you?

AUTOLYCUS

Actually, I think it’s more what I

can do for you. This is a very dear

friend of mine that I think you’ll

enjoy meeting. Kadmus, may I

present Gabrielle, the Battling Bard?

KADMUS

My, my. It is a pleasure

to meet you.

Gabrielle smiles and nods, but remains quiet.

CUT TO:

INT. MAIN ROOM – DAY

Xena has gone back out to the inn’s main room where the symposium attendees are gathered.  Seeing a small group seated at a table near the fire, she makes her way over.

XENA

Can I ask you a

couple questions?

The women all smile and gesture for her to join them.

XENA

(cont’d)

I don’t mean be

rude, but why?

ADEL

I’m not sure I understand?

XENA

Well, why come here and listen

to stories about someone else?

Why pay good money to do this?

ADEL

Because the stories are great.

Gabrielle wrote some of the most

amazing scrolls about their

adventures and it’s nice to hear

people who really knew them.

XENA

But why Xena and Gabrielle?

Why not Hercules and Iolaus?

KATHA

Because Hercules and Iolaus

are not two ass kicking babes.

XENA

Ass kicking babes?

KATHA

Sure, not only are they two

women out on their own, but

damn, they’re beautiful too.

XENA

I see. And this is appealing?

KATHA

Have you been under a rock?

The strain is starting to get to Xena and she pinches the bridge of her nose as she tries to stop an oncoming headache.

XENA

Apparently.

CUT TO:

INT. STAGEROOM – DAY

Autolycus, Kadmus and Gabrielle are walking through a large room with a stage set in the front of it and several benches set up through it for the audience.

KADMUS

And this is where

our guests speak.

GABRIELLE

And exactly what

do they speak about?

KADMUS

Knowing you.  They come here

and tell their adventures with you.

Then they answer questions.

GABRIELLE

Questions about us?

KADMUS

Yes.

GABRIELLE

I can only imagine

the questions.

Autolycus affects a falsetto voice and swoons.

AUTOLYCUS

Oh, is Xena really that tall?

Are Gabrielle’s eyes really green?

GABRIELLE

Aren’t you in enough trouble?

KADMUS

So I’d like to offer you the

chance to speak here.

I’ll be happy to pay you.

GABRIELLE

Really?

KADMUS

Of course.

GABRIELLE

How much?

He seems to be thinking about it before he finally shrugs out his answer.

KADMUS

A thousand dinars?

Again, Gabrielle doesn’t say anything, she just gives him a smile, that Autolycus knows isn’t a happy one.

KADMUS

(cont’d)

I have a couple of things to

attend to before the show starts.

Why don’t you think about it

and I’ll be back in a while?

Gabrielle watches him leave then turns back to Autolycus.

GABRIELLE

And he’s a dirty thief too.

AUTOLYCUS

Hey!  I resent that.  He’s

a crook, not a thief.

He’s got no style.

He sighs and shakes his head as he lays his hand on her shoulder.

AUTOLYCUS

(cont’d)

I’m sorry about that.

I didn’t realize.

GABRIELLE

It’s not your fault. Just goes to

prove if something sounds too

good to be true, it probably is.

AUTOLYCUS

You’re going to get

him, aren’t you?

GABRIELLE

You know it.

CUT TO:

INT. MERCHANT’S ROOM – DAY

Xena is back to inspecting the tables. This time Kazia is with her.

XENA

Thanks for the rescue

back there.

KAZIA

No problem. I know how

some of them can get.

XENA

Nuts?

Kazia chuckles as they continue through the room with Xena inspecting each table.

KAZIA

It’s not that. Really. They’re just

very passionate about all this.

XENA

See, that’s the part I don’t

understand.  Why not get

passionate about their

own lives?

KAZIA

Because most of our lives

are boring as wheat

growing in Amphipolis.

XENA

Okay, THAT I understand.

KAZIA

Exactly, and your adventures give

us something more in our lives.  It’s

not that we don’t do fine the way we

are, but most of us don’t have the

courage or even the means to go out

and do what you two did.  By

celebrating your adventures, we get

a little adventure of our own.

XENA

But why not just get together

on your own? All of this

costs a lot of dinars.

KAZIA

Simple answer?

XENA

Sure.

KAZIA

Because it’s fun.

Come here.

Kazia takes Xena to a table piled high with scrolls. She picks one up and hands it to Xena.

KAZIA

(cont’d)

Your adventures have inspired other

bards to start writing. Some stories

are about you, fictional accounts

of adventures. Look at this.

Xena takes the scroll; she reads a few lines and looks to the guy running the table.

XENA

How much?

MAN

Ten.

With a sigh she, retrieves a few coins and hands them over, then she sticks the scroll in a pouch at her belt.

XENA

Gabrielle’s gonna freak.

FADE OUT.
 

END OF ACT TWO

ACT THREE