ACT ONE

FADE IN:

INT. DINING ROOM – MORNING

Xena and Gabrielle enter the room to find it packed.  Every table is full except for one in the center with a couple empty seats.

XENA

Let’s try there.

Moving through the room, they notice that people are watching them with significant interest. Ignoring it for the moment, they stop at the table with the empty seats.

XENA

(cont’d)

Excuse me?

Can we join you?

The women at the table all smile and nod.  They take their seats, Gabrielle signals to the waitress making the rounds of the room.

One of the women extends her hand to Xena.

KAZIA

I’m Kazia. Those are great

costumes by the way.

Xena and Gabrielle look at each other and then back to Kazia.

GABRIELLE

Uh... thanks.

XENA

(to Gabrielle)

When we get done eating

we need to find Autolycus.

Another woman at the table perks up at his name.

JANEE

Oooo, do you know him?

XENA

Too well.

JANEE

He’s just so cute.  I hope

he signs autographs.

KAZIA

Knowing Kadmus, he’ll

charge extra for them.

Gabrielle leans over so she can whisper in Xena’s ear.

GABRIELLE

Is it just me, or are things

getting stranger and stranger?

XENA

It’s not you.

GABRIELLE

This is our first time to

one of these things.

What exactly goes on?

JANEE

Oh it’s great.  We get to

see people who actually

knew them and....

XENA

Knew who?

JANEE

Xena and Gabrielle,

of course.

Xena grins and nods her head at Gabrielle.

XENA

Now it makes sense.

The waitress places bowls of a hot breakfast cereal in front of them and pours some harmless looking liquid in their mugs.

WAITRESS

House special for the

symposium.  If you want

something else it’ll be extra.

GABRIELLE

This is fine, thanks.

XENA

(to Kazia)

So do you know what

room Autolycus is in?

KAZIA

Oh he won’t be here.  He’ll be in

the inn down the street.  Kadmus

never puts his guests in the

same inn.  He’s afraid they

might actually be able to

speak to us on their own.

XENA

I take it this Kadmus fellow

is the one who organizes

this little shindig?

KAZIA

Yeah, I suppose I should

be more grateful, but it’s

hard ya know.

GABRIELLE

Why?

KAZIA

You’ve really never been to

one of these.  It’s just that

there’s a charge for everything.

If he could figure out how

to charge for air, he would.

XENA

So he’s making lots of

dinars on this deal?

KAZIA

Tons.

GABRIELLE

So other than Autolycus, what

else happens at these things?

KAZIA

Well, there’s the marketplace

where you can shop.  There’s

a costume contest, which I

think you’ll win if you enter.

JANEE

And don’t forget the auctions.

KAZIA

Right... the auctions.

GABRIELLE

You don’t sound thrilled.

KAZIA

Don’t even get me

started on the auctions.

GABRIELLE

So if there’s so much you dislike

about it, why do you come?

KAZIA

My friends. I come here to see

them.  Most of us only get to see

each other once a year.  So we

all gather here, we get to spend

time with each other and do

something we enjoy.

GABRIELLE

Sounds reasonable enough to me.

XENA

Come on, we need to go find

Autolycus.  Excuse us, but

we really need to get going.

JANEE

Sure, we’ll see you later.

XENA

Count on it.

FADE TO:

EXT. INN – MORNING

Xena and Gabrielle move to the front door of the inn only to be stopped by a large fellow whose head seems to be growing directly from his shoulders. Xena stops and just considers him for a moment before gesturing Gabrielle off to one side.

XENA

I get the feeling he’s there

to keep the general

population out.

GABRIELLE

And how do you suggest

we convince him we’re

not the general population?

XENA

I’m glad you asked that.

Here’s my plan....

CUT TO:

EXT. INN – MORNING

Gabrielle, looking a little more ‘seductive’ than normal, saunters up to the guard and tries to get his attention while Xena hangs back and waits for the chance to get in around him.

GABRIELLE

Hey handsome.

The guard says nothing. His eyes flicker to her for a moment but then return to stare straight ahead.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

I was wondering what

you’re doing later tonight?

Xena has as much as she can to stifle back chuckles as she watches Gabrielle try her best to get his attention, with no success.

As Xena watches, Gabrielle tries a couple more tactics that fail miserably. Finally, in a bit of a huff Gabrielle returns to Xena’s side.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

I think he’s dead.

XENA

He’s very committed to

what he’s doing, that’s for sure.

GABRIELLE

Any more brilliant ideas?

XENA

None that don’t involve

him being in pain.

GABRIELLE

I don’t think we

should hurt him.

XENA

Probably not. It’s wrong

to hurt the brainless.

GABRIELLE

Of course, you could

go try ‘your’ feminine

wiles on him.

XENA

It looks like your wiles

put him in a coma.

Mine will kill him.

GABRIELLE

Time to sneak in, isn’t it?

XENA

Yup.

Xena takes a good look at the structure in front of them.

XENA

(cont’d)

I think we should be able

to get in the second story.

Feel like a little acrobatics?

GABRIELLE

Sure, I haven’t done

anything acrobatic in days.

CUT TO:

EXT. REAR OF BUILDING – MORNING

Xena looks around and points to a second floor balcony.

XENA

That looks like a good spot.

GABRIELLE

Good as any.

XENA

Shall we use number four?

GABRIELLE

That should do the trick.

Gabrielle takes a spot below the balcony with her back to it.  Xena takes a few steps back and runs toward Gabrielle, who laces her fingers, cupping her hands in front of her.  As Xena approaches Gabrielle stoops slightly at the waist, allowing Xena’s foot to rest in her hands.  With a groan, she lifts her hands and vaults Xena up into the air.

Landing on the front side of the balcony, Xena tests the strength of the railing and then loops her arm through it, reaching down for Gabrielle.

XENA

Up you go.

Xena pulls and swings Gabrielle up to the railing, where she grabs hold next to Xena.

GABRIELLE

Well, that was fun.

They both climb over the rail, moving to a door of the second floor. Xena gives it a gentle push and it opens easily.

CUT TO:

INT. INN ROOM – MORNING

When they step inside, they find a young man with a sheet wrapped around his waist and a young woman in a similar situation, except she is reclined on the bed.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

Excuse us.

We got locked out.

Without another word, they exit the room.

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY – MORNING

Closing the door behind them they both mask grins as they lean against the wall.

GABRIELLE

Good thing we weren’t

a little earlier.

XENA

Or a little later.

GABRIELLE

Good point. So which

room do you think

belongs to Autolycus?

XENA

Dunno. Guess we’ll have

to narrow our choices.

Gabrielle lifts her thumb to point behind them.

GABRIELLE

We know it’s not this one.

XENA

One down.

FADE TO:

INT. ROOM – MORNING

XENA

This one has to be it.

Gabrielle is looking around, pulling open a closet door she nods.

GABRIELLE

This is it.

Taking a step back, she shows Xena a small chest secured with several chains and padlocks.

XENA

Don’t touch it; knowing him

it shoots poison darts too.

GABRIELLE

Right.

She closes the door and shrugs to her partner.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

So now what? Want to

get comfortable and wait

for him to get back?

XENA

It’s tempting, but I think we’ll

find him down at the other

inn. He’s probably getting

ready to charm the masses.

GABRIELLE

Remember when we find

him... he’s our friend.

XENA

And?

GABRIELLE

You shouldn’t kill him.

XENA

I’ll try to remember that.

She starts to leave, but hesitates and pulls her sword.

GABRIELLE

What are you doing?

Xena takes her sword and pokes the chest with it.  When it doesn’t explode she seems relieved, but still cautious.  She ushers Gabrielle back and hefts the sword, bringing it down on the chest and breaking the locks off of it.  With the tip of the sword she lifts the lid. Still nothing happens.

XENA

He’s getting sloppy

in his old age.

Sheathing her sword, she reaches down and removes one of two bags.  Opening it, she just shakes her head.

XENA

(cont’d)

I take it back.

Taking a fist full of the contents, she shows Gabrielle common pieces of metal.

Gabrielle chuckles and drops the metal back into the bag.

GABRIELLE

He’s still on top of things.

XENA

Let’s go find him.

FADE TO:

INT. INN – MORNING

The inn is once again bustling with people.  As Xena and Gabrielle make their way toward the area where the symposium is being held, two men block their path.

MAN 1

Tickets?

XENA

What?

MAN 1

I need to see your tickets.

GABRIELLE

We don’t have any.

MAN 1

Then you can’t come in.

The second man sighs and shakes his head, seemingly not shocked at his friend’s lack of communication skills.

MAN 2

If you’d like a ticket, you can

get one out front.  There’s a

registration table set up out there.

XENA

We really don’t need a ticket;

we won’t be here that long.

We just need to see Autolycus.

MAN 2

Look I’m sorry; there are three

hundred people here who

want to see him.  If you want

in you have to pay to get in.

GABRIELLE

In the main room?

MAN 2

The main room.

XENA

Fine.

As they turn to walk away, Xena lowers her voice so only Gabrielle can hear her.

XENA

I’m going to have to hurt someone

very soon if I get told one more

time I can’t do something.

GABRIELLE

Then I won’t bother to tell you

that you can’t hurt someone.

FADE TO:

INT. MAIN ROOM – MORNING

Xena looks at the line of people waiting before the table they have been directed to.

XENA

You’ve got to be kidding.

Oh I know we’re going

in there now.

GABRIELLE

The curiosity is killing

you, isn’t it?

XENA

It is now.

From the front of the line, their friend from breakfast spots them and waves them over. A few people behind them grumble causing Kazia to turn around.

KAZIA

They were supposed to

meet me here, okay?

A couple of the loudest grumblers take one look at Xena and capitulate.

GABRIELLE

Thanks.

KAZIA

No problem. Hey, I didn’t

get your names at breakfast.

Gabrielle moves closer and whispers to Kazia.

GABRIELLE

Do you promise not to

make a big deal out of it?

KAZIA

Sure.

GABRIELLE

I’m Gabrielle....

Before Kazia can scream Gabrielle places her hand over the girl’s mouth.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

You promised. Right?

Kazia nods slowly.  Gabrielle removes her hand and gestures to Xena.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

So you know who this is?

Kazia nods again, completely speechless.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

We’re going to check things

out here and we really don’t

want a bunch of people

knowing we’re here.  You

have to keep this to yourself.

KAZIA

I promise.

Can I say one thing?

GABRIELLE

Of course.

KAZIA

I just... I just want

to say, thank you.

FADE OUT.
 

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO