SVS9 - E13 - From Joyous to Grimm

Episode Guide	Teaser	Act 1	Act 2	Act 3	Act 4

ACT TWO FADE IN: EXT. CASTLE GROUNDS - NIGHT It is very late by the time Xena, Gabrielle, and the mouthy harp make it onto the castle grounds. The grounds are lit by many blazing torches whose flickering light plays over magnificent coaches, horses, fancily-dressed footmen, and dozens of beautiful women dressed in exquisite ball gowns. Gay music and laughter filters out from the castle, and excitement fills the air. The loud sound of a clock chiming the hour cuts through the noise, causing Xena and Gabrielle to stop in their tracks. GABRIELLE What was that? HARP What? Ain’t youse never heard a clock striking before? GABRIELLE What’s a clock? HARP Yer jokin’ right? Gabrielle gives her a blank look. HARP (cont’d) You ain’t jokin’. What rock did youse two crawl out from under, anyway? Before either can answer, an extremely beautiful blonde woman comes rushing out of the castle and down the stairs. A second later, a very handsome, well dressed man follows. MAN Wait! Come back! Please come back!! The young woman continues to run as if Cerberus is at her heels. Three rather ugly women attempt to restrain the prince, but he shakes himself free of their harsh grip and continues down the stairs. MAN (cont’d) Please, wait!! Come back!! HARP That’s the prince! Quick, bring me to him and youse’ll get your wish! As Xena and Gabrielle start forward, the blonde woman runs past, gasping and sobbing. Just as she passes them, she trips and falls into the mud, then struggles to get up, twisted in the fabric of her gown. GABRIELLE (to Xena) Go on! I’ll catch up! With a nod, Xena grabs the harp and starts off for the Prince. The clock continues to chime as Gabrielle squats down and grasps the young woman’s arm. GABRIELLE (cont’d) Here, let me help. Are you hurt? WOMAN Please, let me go! I have to.... GABRIELLE All right. It’s all right. You’re just twisted in this.... With a mighty heave, the young woman regains her feet and pulls away from Gabrielle, leaving the bard with a handful of muddy fabric for her pains. Gabrielle struggles to her feet just in time to see the sobbing young woman dart out from the ring of torchlight, running toward what appears to be a rather large pumpkin. GABRIELLE Wait! XENA Gabrielle! Gabrielle turns to see Xena and the prince, now bearing the golden harp, running toward them. She takes a step forward, only to feel something CRUNCH beneath her boot. She looks down. GABRIELLE Wha...? The prince slides to a stop in front of Gabrielle, looking down at the shattered glass that now litters the ground. PRINCE Oh no! You wouldn’t! You couldn’t! You did! How could you?? GABRIELLE What? What did I do? The prince falls to his knees, scooping up the remains of what had once been an exquisite glass slipper. He cradles the shards to his chest, sobbing theatrically. PRINCE My life is ruined!! Gabrielle looks to Xena for enlightenment. XENA That woman who ran away was supposed to marry the prince. GABRIELLE Well, she couldn’t have gotten too far. We could just.... PRINCE You don’t understand! You ruined it! You ruined everything!! HARP Way ta go there, chickie. That glass slipper ya pulverized was supposed ta lead him to her. He woulda slipped it on her foot, it woulda fit like a glove, and poof! Happily ever after! But now.... The harp strums a dirge. GABRIELLE I didn’t know! I was just trying to.... The prince stands up, red-faced with anger. PRINCE This woman is a traitor to the realm. (to his guards) Get her!!! Gabrielle looks to Xena GABRIELLE Run? XENA Run. The two bolt off away from the grounds and in the direction of a thick stand of trees just to the west. Several dozen guards race off, hot on their heels. CUT TO: EXT. TREE - NIGHT Xena and Gabrielle are crouched high up in a tree, watching as the last of the prince’s guards straggle back toward the castle, their chase thwarted. GABRIELLE I’m sorry, Xena. I didn’t know.... XENA Nothing to be sorry for. This place is screwed up. GABRIELLE I know. It almost feels like we’ve been dropped into the middle of a story where everyone knows what’s going on but us. At least we got rid of that stupid harp. Xena laughs softly. GABRIELLE (cont’d) So… what now? Her rumbling stomach answers her question for her. A yawn follows. Xena cocks her head slightly. XENA Smell that? Gabrielle sniffs. GABRIELLE A fire. A cook fire, unless I miss my guess. XENA I think your guess is right on. C’mon. Maybe we’ll run into some good luck for a change. GABRIELLE That’d be a welcome surprise. The two silently climb down from their high perch and land on the ground below. XENA Let’s go. CUT TO: EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT A sturdy brick house stands in the center of a large clearing. Mellow light gleams from the frosted windows. Gabrielle peers into one of the windows to see a young girl with golden curls happily eating at a large table. Gabrielle knocks on the window. The girl looks up, and scowls. GIRL Hey! Get outta here! This is my beat! GABRIELLE That’s not very polite. GIRL Scram! Having heard more than enough for one evening, Xena strides over to the door and blasts it open. Gabrielle quickly follows, just in case Xena might be of a mind to have minced blonde for dinner. Laying a hand on Xena’s wrist, Gabrielle looks at the girl. GABRIELLE Look. It’s very late and very cold, and we’re very hungry. GIRL (sullenly) So? What do you want me to do about it? GABRIELLE Well, you seem to have plenty of food. If you could just share a little bit with us.... GIRL Don’t wanna share. GABRIELLE Please? Just a little, and then we’ll be gone. I promise. The girl thinks for a minute, then eyes the other two bowls sitting on the table. An evil grin comes over her face. GIRL You want some? Fine. You can have those two. GABRIELLE That’s very kind of you. Thanks. I’m Gabrielle, and this is Xena. GIRL I’m Goldilocks. GABRIELLE Goldilocks, huh? That’s a very... pretty... name. The girl primps said golden locks. GOLDILOCKS My mother thinks so. GABRIELLE Is your mother here? GOLDILOCKS Hah! She wouldn’t come within a mile of this place, scardycat! GABRIELLE Why? Another evil grin. GOLDILOCKS You’ll see. With a little shrug, Gabrielle rounds the table and takes the seat next to Goldilocks. Xena sits at the head of the table, and immediately digs in to the bowl of porridge. As the girl watches, smirking, redness travels up from Xena’s neck to her forehead. Her mouth opens, and flames shoot out across the table, lighting four candles, two torches, and the wood in the fireplace. GOLDILOCKS (slyly) Little hot, ain’t it? Gabrielle spoons up her porridge and takes in a mouthful. Her face immediately pales, and icicles form on her brow and nose. GOLDILOCKS (cont’d) Heh. Without saying a word, Xena and Gabrielle simply pick up their bowls and mix the two together, hot to cold and cold to hot until both bowls are…. GABRIELLE Yum. Just right. Goldilocks scowls. Xena smirks. The trio finishes their meal in blessed silence. Gabrielle then gives forth a jaw-cracking yawn and her eyes slip to half-mast. Seeing this, Goldilocks jumps up from the table and runs into another room, laughing maniacally. CUT TO: INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT The bedroom is large and warm, and has three beds. The smallest of the beds is already occupied by Goldilocks, who glares at them over the top of the covers. GOLDILOCKS And don’t you even try to kick me out of here neither. Wordlessly, Xena goes over to the largest of the beds and sits down. The mattress moves not an inch, and her chakram clicks against it as if hitting a rock. Sparks fly. GABRIELLE Little hard? Xena taps the mattress with her knuckles. XENA As a rock. Gabrielle walks over to the second bed. GABRIELLE Well, we could always try this... floofph! As Xena watches, Gabrielle all but disappears into the exceedingly soft mattress. Her head and her feet, which are almost touching her nose, are the only things Xena can see. XENA A bit soft, I see. GABRIELLE Grooomph! Removing her armor and weapons, Xena approaches the bed and very gingerly sits down on the mattress... ... and is immediately swallowed up. She rolls as she sinks so that she winds up face to face, body to body, with Gabrielle. Gabrielle grins. GABRIELLE (cont’d) Well, there are certainly worse ways I could think of to spend the night. XENA Oh yeah. This is just right. Goldilocks scowls. Xena embraces Gabrielle and kisses her soundly. Then, with a little more wriggling and scooching, they are finally comfortable in their very soft, very warm nest. GABRIELLE Good night, Xena. XENA Mm. G’night. CUT TO: INT. BEDROOM - MORNING Xena and Gabrielle awaken to the sound of a door opening and three heavy treads entering the house. MALE VOICE (off camera and very stilted) Oh, look. Someone. Has. Been. Eating. My. Porridge. FEMALE VOICE (off camera and very stilted) And someone. Has. Been. Eating. My. Porridge. Too. CHILD’S VOICE (off camera) Hey! Mine’s all gone too! What gives? MALE VOICE We. Should. Check. Out. The. Sitting. Room. FEMALE VOICE OK. CHILD’S VOICE Let’s go! More heavy tromping ensues. MALE VOICE Huh. No one’s been sitting in my chair. FEMALE VOICE Mine either! CHILD’S VOICE Nor mine! Let’s go to the bedroom! Xena quickly throws the covers over her head as the three bears tromp into the bedroom. PAPA BEAR Oh. Look. Someone. Has. Been. Sleeping. In. My. Bed. MAMA BEAR Someone. Has. Been. Sleeping. In. My. Bed. Too! Mama bear pulls back the covers, exposing Xena and Gabrielle. She looks at them, wide eyed with shock. MAMA BEAR (cont’d) What are you two doing here? You’re not supposed to be sleeping in this bed! It’s a travesty! GABRIELLE Surprise? BABY BEAR Hey! No fair! It was my turn to find someone in my bed. WAAAAAAHHHHH!!! GOLDILOCKS Here I am! BABY BEAR Not fair! Not fair! WAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! PAPA BEAR All right, that’s it. I’m through with all this. I’m talking to my union. Stupid script changes. MAMA BEAR I’m with you, Ralph. Frankie, get your fuzzy butt over here. We’re leaving! GOLDILOCKS Hey! Don’t leave! I’m right here, see? Goldilocks jumps up and down on the bed, then turns a few cartwheels for good measure. GOLDILOCKS (cont’d) Look at me! Wheeeee! I’m in Baby Bear’s bed! See?? BABY BEAR WAAAAAHHHHHH!!! Mama Bear grabs Baby Bear and tows him out of the house, still muttering. Goldilocks jumps out of the bed and stomps over to Xena and Gabrielle, hands planted on her hips. GOLDILOCKS Why’d you have to go and do something like that, huh? You ruined everything, stupid grown-ups! She sticks out her tongue, then stomps away, leaving our intrepid duo staring after them, dumbstruck. FADE OUT.
END OF ACT TWO ACT THREE